Category Archives: Believe Me Ego

the closest thing to my closest “journal entries”. wordpress narcissist.




Bookmark me, baby 🙂

In the mean time, you can download a FREE copy of my chapbook here. Click below!


Leave a comment

Filed under Believe Me Ego


I’ve definitely ditched the blog these past few weeks.  Between being out of the country and hustling to completely rebuild my website and pull together my chapbook release, the blog has fallen to bottom priority.  Sorry!  But it’s a brand new year and I know it’s past January first now, but the “first day of the year” doesn’t mean as much to me as the “first day of the rest of my life.”  Yes, I’m running on my internal clock.   Besides, time is an invention.

ANYWAYS, for anybody (anybody, anybody at all…most likely not) that has been checking my blog and noticing I haven’t been blogging as frequently–I will be getting back into the daily blogging groove (minus some weekends) Jan 5th!!  On top of that, this will be my last post on THIS blog.  YES, I’m moving my blog and it’s going to be better.  It’s 2:36am right now and I’m rambling but JUST STAY TUNED!! I’LL BE BACK ON THE BLOG SOON. Besides, nobody’s reading during vacation!!!!!

Leave a comment

Filed under Believe Me Ego

Cover Art

JAN 5, 2010.


Hi friends, sorry I been off the posting game.  Hella grind on wrapping up the chapbook for print & download, completely rebuilding my website, promo ordeal, massive internal organization/self-management, collecting my thoughts for the New Decade and on top of it all, TRYNA PARTAAAAAY! So much to do, not enough time.

My January 5th deadline is quickly approaching and by then, you can expect:

+Digital release of my chapbook for FREE DOWNLOAD!
+Limited Edition Hard Copies for sale
+Website revamped with: New background, expanded gallery, updated Merch page, new photos, new blog (on my own server) and overall better feel for some faster loading.
+Refugee State of Mind T-Shirts hooked up to the PayPal to finally take orders
+FREE Stickers!

1 Comment

Filed under Believe Me Ego, Say WORD

Reporting LIVE from the Bahamas!

I tapped some wireless outside my hotel.  I got so many stories when I foreal return to the bloggy world, Dec. 30th. Until then, countdown to a NEW DECADE. Get ready for the heeeeeat!


Leave a comment

Filed under Believe Me Ego, Say WORD

Rhymes with YA MAMAS!

Hello world,

I’m signing off the technoworld for a week because I’m going to the BAHAMAS!!  While the snow piles up in Boston, I’ll be getting my tan on at the beach and scoping out some Bahama booty, HOLLA!  So no posts from me until DECEMBER 30th!  By which time I’ll most likely have lots of stories about ignorant, self-entitled tourists, appropriation of indigenous lifestyles and the dilemma between cultural commodification & economic rise via tourism.  Damn, I hadn’t even boarded the plane yet and I’m bugging out.  Okay, I’ll put my blind shades on now 😎

I’m not going to KOKOMO, but the Muppets mention the BAHAMAS in this song:

Watch this chef try to cook Big Bird for dinner!  Fuck a pot. We’d have to cook him in a GEYSER!

Happy holidays everyone!!

1 Comment

Filed under Believe Me Ego, Snippity Snippity Shnap

An essay on my sexay photo shoot

Background:  This essay is an effort to compile and channel all my rampant thoughts about sex, sexuality, female empowerment, objectification and the male gaze.  Last weekend, I was invited to be a part of a photo shoot with renowned Japanese photographer, YONE.  In a nutshell, YONE likes to translate SEXY in his photos.  He gives lots of creative freedom to his models to wear and pose however they want.  Some girls take it all off.  Some girls leave it all on.  Overall, YONE himself is an amazing artist. A lot of his work look like this.

I took up the photo shoot opportunity as a way to 1) expand my network, 2) experience something different and 3) express my sexual nature. This was my first time in a photo shoot so I had no idea what I was doing.  I told myself that if I was going to do the shoot, I wanted to bring something completely different.  I didn’t want to look all raunchy and shit like the other girls. (Too predictable).  I didn’t want to take my clothes off. (Too easy).  I wanted to send a positive message that firm, strong and fun is also sexy.  I kept my pants up, shirts on and legs closed.

1) Cocktail dress for the CLASS.
2) Fur vest, shorts and tank for the SASS.
3) Black spandex and mom’s 80’s t-shirt for the THROWBACK.

I entered the photo shoot wanting to stand out and challenge these norms.  I left the photo shoot feeling like I looked like every other girl. Damn. I didn’t feel empowered.  The shoot was a good experience and the people are amazing, but that’s just not my style.  Prancing around and trying to look all hot and shit in front of the camera wasn’t all that fun for me.  I’d rather go painting.

Even though I had something to say,  I realized that the photo shoot was not my platform.  I entered with one agenda and YONE had his–this was clear to me from the beginning (I just failed to recognize it).  At the end of the day, this is YONE’s artwork and YONE’s message.  This wasn’t MY photo shoot, it was YONE’s photo shoot.  His narrative takes precedent over mine because he is the one in control of the camera, he frames the shots and he snaps the photos.  It’s like elementary sentence structure: SUBJECT –> ACTION VERB –> OBJECT :: YONE –> CAMERA –> ME. Understanding the sexist, male-dominated context of our society, I feel inclined to reject the overt idealism of female sexiness and dress myself down.  Sometimes I overcompensate by wearing big sweaters and shit.  Then I wonder if I’m being too reactionary by responding this way.  How do I embrace my sexual side without coming off as typical or slutty.  At the shoot, I was trying to filter my feminist message through the male gaze and that just isn’t possible.  It doesn’t matter what I was trying to say or trying to do, this can all get lost when the camera frames me a certain way, photos are rearranged in a certain way and photos are exhibited in a particular context like “GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS”. Haha yuuup.

I asked YONE to credit all my photos with my name and website that offers all my artwork and writings.  I don’t know if he will actually care to do this.  In the case that he doesn’t, I would be just another anonymous GIRL GIRL GIRL amidst the bunch, and I’m not okay with that. I don’t want to be known for just a “pretty face”.  I have so much more to offer than that.  TRUST.  I appreciate the genes mom and pops gave me but I  don’t consider “good looks” as much to be proud of because it’s not something I worked terribly hard for, yadidamean?  I am very thankful for this experience.  I can be quick to judge other girls in photographs like, “HOE.” Now that I know what it feels like to be on the other side, I can better understand the pressures of succumbing to the feeling of sexy and desirability; at the same time, it has helped me affirm my own views in how I want to function in this world.

Thanks for reading.


Filed under Believe Me Ego, Essays on the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

New Poem: The Sexy Hypebeast

As an artist and a blogger, it’s my commitment to be as real with y’all as possible.  If I’m going to share myself with the world, I want to take the risk in being honest and vulnerable.  I believe in being present in real time–this includes exploring new ideas and asking you all the same questions I ask myself, because I don’t have all the answers and I won’t act like I do.  My past few posts have been questioning a lot about sexuality, feminism and the male gaze.  The following piece is inspired by my continuous thought process.  Peep my blog tomorrow for a fresh feature in “Essays on the Good, the Bad and the Ugly” sharing with you my new findings.

Disclaimer: The following piece is not meant to be a personal attack or insult to anyone.  Rather, it is all centered on my own internal explorations.  For the record, thank you to YONE & for giving me an opportunity to work with dope talent. Holla.

I don’t give a fuck about a hypebeast blog
Yea I made that shit, it was nuttin’ at all
These good looking genes? Thank you mom and pop
Anyone can do it, just take off your top
But I kept mine on, thank you very much
Reject the request of a photo buff
Strip everything keep the self respect
Strip everything and how much is left?

I don’t give a fuck about a hypebeast blog
Yea I made that shit, it was nuttin’ at all
I gota save my shit, this ain’t a bargain call
Too much diamonds on the market make the value fall
Camera’s loaded now, who’s running the show?
Run through the film until the end of the roll
Work your best pose but you still won’t know
By the end of the shoot, you can look the hoe

That’s the given role, pre-designated
Enter head in thinking I could change it
Ain’t so easy as my analyticals made it
I got two hands but the camera ain’t in it
If a picture is worth a thousand words
Who does the talking, who’s side comes first?
Who does the walking, the tripod or purse?
They say sex sells, a gift or a curse?

Looking sexy for the camera ain’t my best talent
Lying low on a couch ain’t really a challenge
I do it easily, but it ain’t my best side
I’d rather show the world what I have inside.
Believe me when I tell you it was nuttin’ at all
You can be better than a hypebeast blog
Make your own name not another blank broad
Baby be your own boss ’til you’re calling the shots.


Leave a comment

Filed under Believe Me Ego, Say WORD